Hello all, from Artsieladie! ♥
I am not a person who does anything half way, half-heartedly, or with the attitude, 'that's good enough'. So, when I fall in Love, the same is applicable. I don't fall in Love easily. It's difficult for me to allow myself to Trust another to Love them. To me falling in Love is a very serious state to allow oneself to enter into and I do so with reverence. When I do enter into this state, I do so with heart, mind, soul, and body. So if the person I fall in Love with treats my Love like it means nothing, like it's insignificant, like I'm insignificant, I will be devastated emotionally and so devastated, my very being will be in complete chaos.
When you're a creative person, falling in Love with someone and the Loving of them can be tremendously inspirational and motivational and so much so, if the relationship goes sour, the creative person can be not only devastated emotionally as is the usual but also affect the deep inner core of their creative place, making the loss of the Love doubly devastating.
Perhaps this is why so many people Love only "with conditions", Love only with a part of themselves. "One can only be hurt as deeply as they Love and care." Therefore, if one Loves deeply, they risk being hurt deeply. If one Loves with limitations, they'll only be hurt as far as, as deep as, their 'limited love' allows for. ♥
"Inspired"
PNGs:
My website (2515x1400):
https://sites.google.com/a/artsieladie.com/www/artsieladie-poetry/love/inspired/Inspired-ArtPoem-ByArtsieladie2015-03-03_2515x1400.png
Google allows (2048x1140):
https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhaSEeCjVrOPL8VOzcr5E4-PyCqFmc53J_slCKqQEHB20Pf-n_4D8qEPv_Sam8lY4U3U-T_uXfDyVcjEDo3DX5_Cem6y6X9GGJW6_f0E1FTIOTIJTy6ZTHFwUOALynqfr7qbWUm5tJ5TPA/s2048/Inspired-ArtPoem-ByArtsieladie2015-03-03_2515x1400.png
Art/Design/Poem by Artsieladie /Artsieladie Sharon Donnelly
©2015-03-03 19:19:00 (EST) All rights reserved.
To see more posts, check out the Sitemap.
Website: www.artsieladie.com
Blog: http://artsieladie-creative-corner.blogspot.com/
Blog: http://artsieladie-heartbeats.blogspot.com/
Blog: http://artsieladie-quotes.blogspot.com/
Blog (here): http://artsieladie-rhymetyme.blogspot.com/
Additional Credits:
Graphics by Artsieladie and various free to use sources on the ‘Net.
~ Dove by Pewter7: http://pewter7.blogspot.com/
Featured on my website:
https://sites.google.com/a/artsieladie.com/www/artsieladie-poetry/love/inspired
"When one gives to another the key to their heart,
Only to discover the other is just playing pretend,
This shatters the one Loving, shredding their inner part,
Leaving them devastated of measure without end."
~ Quotes by Artsieladie
I am not a person who does anything half way, half-heartedly, or with the attitude, 'that's good enough'. So, when I fall in Love, the same is applicable. I don't fall in Love easily. It's difficult for me to allow myself to Trust another to Love them. To me falling in Love is a very serious state to allow oneself to enter into and I do so with reverence. When I do enter into this state, I do so with heart, mind, soul, and body. So if the person I fall in Love with treats my Love like it means nothing, like it's insignificant, like I'm insignificant, I will be devastated emotionally and so devastated, my very being will be in complete chaos.
When you're a creative person, falling in Love with someone and the Loving of them can be tremendously inspirational and motivational and so much so, if the relationship goes sour, the creative person can be not only devastated emotionally as is the usual but also affect the deep inner core of their creative place, making the loss of the Love doubly devastating.
Perhaps this is why so many people Love only "with conditions", Love only with a part of themselves. "One can only be hurt as deeply as they Love and care." Therefore, if one Loves deeply, they risk being hurt deeply. If one Loves with limitations, they'll only be hurt as far as, as deep as, their 'limited love' allows for. ♥
| Inspired by a man I thought to be true, In so many ways, I in fact still do, Declared his Profound Love to, for me, Inspired I was to the utmost degree, So deeply rooted in my inner core, No one has ever Inspired me more. Though I seek ways to purge my pain, I’m left still with tears pouring like rain. He persuaded me he was safe to Love And so to my heart he won the key of, Only to find his Love wasn't quite as he Had painted and made it appear to be, Which then he left shattered my heart, Destroying the passion inspiring my art. When I to, for him my Love confessed, And thankful to God for being so blessed, He acknowledged to me he already knew, That he felt for me the exact same too. When I spoke to him straight from my heart, How inspiring he was for my words and art, He replied I Inspired him as well to write With my Love, pious, honest and full of Light. Instead of as friends, just leaving us be, He began showing feelings much more for me. With my trust broken so often before, I was scared and afraid to open the door That would lead me to in Love with him fall But his actions convinced me to answer the call. I remember so well fearing the trend, If things went wrong, would I lose my friend? Now my fears have been brought to fruition. I should have listened to my Intuition. Instead I chose to in him believe That he wouldn't betray me or deceive. Now against me, he holds a grudge, With stubborn pride, he will not budge. Accuses me that my Love is wrong, Denying the fact he misled me along. Meanwhile from others, sympathy he seeks As against and about me he talks and speaks. Yet, with me he remains silent and hidden. Any hope to resolve, he has strictly forbidden. With me he cannot seem to communicate. It appears his Love has turned to hate. But it's because of the guilt he feels inside, He holds on tightly to protect his ego fed pride. So, he stays away, keeps wide his distance, Keeps following the path of least resistance, While, the cloud he remains, cowering under, Blocking his Light and stealing his thunder, Making his Candle of Love no longer shine bright, The cloud of guilt ever dimming his Light. It appears there is nothing I can do or say, As my Candleholder's Flame keeps fading away. Yet, what's between him and freedom's gate, Are the Components of Love that do await, But his manly pride he refuses to abate, Disallowing me to wipe clean his slate. For it is only I who is holding the key To free him of the wrong he did against me, But as a prisoner of guilt he cannot see The key is my Love that will set him free. |
Because 'my' Love IS Profound and Surreal, I wish not a cloud of guilt to from him steal All the beauty that resides within him yet That so touched my heart, I cannot forget. But I can't his wall of pride, penetrate And it takes two to communicate. Even though my Love only will set him free, He talks only with others against, about me. Inspired by a man who I thought was honest and real, Who I thought had a heart and wouldn't mine steal, Only to break it and then lay on me the blame Trying to free himself from feeling the shame. Hiding behind a wall which pride has built Is not the way to wipe or erase one's guilt. One must face, to acknowledge, address, The one they've wronged, against transgressed. But the really sad thing I must speak of, Is what he fears most is facing my Love Because he knows mine is Surreal and True, To which he knows not how to answer to For his own heart as he has of spoken Hasn't been shattered, ever broken. Making me wonder if he's ever invested. Has his heart, his Love, ever been tested? If he knew truly what Love's about, He would know then, there is no doubt, It's only Love that can mend and heal, From one who's Love is True and Real, Not from those who have no stake, No heart invested at risk to break. Only when Love's tested does one know, How true it is, how strong the flow. When Love's well rooted, it deeply then grows, Forth coming's the nectar from Love's Sweet Rose. This Rose must be nurtured by the Love of two, Uniting Gardens of Grace with Love that's True. Yes, I was Inspired by a beautiful man Of whom I became his number one fan, But my history repeats, shows me again, Of which I write now with regret in pen, I'm never ever quite good enough For a man I choose so deeply to Love. The old saying, "Old habits are hard to break", Is especially true when there is at stake, A heart that's filled, overflowing with Love, But yet rejected by who it's for, to, and of. Perhaps this time the lesson I’ve learned, Love not ever again to again be burned. Perhaps this time the vow to myself I will keep, Make no man special to Love, nor over to weep. Perhaps this time I’ll leave my heart in disrepair, Then for a new Love it couldn’t prepare. Perhaps with my heart left in a gazillion pieces, I can coast safely along until my life thus ceases. Inspiration I won't any longer be wanting or needing, Since my heart can't create when it's broken and bleeding. Inspired I was; now Inspired I'm not, Passion's now cold where it once was hot. |
Blog: http://artsieladie-creative-corner.blogspot.com/
Blog: http://artsieladie-heartbeats.blogspot.com/
Blog: http://artsieladie-quotes.blogspot.com/
Blog (here): http://artsieladie-rhymetyme.blogspot.com/
Only to discover the other is just playing pretend,
This shatters the one Loving, shredding their inner part,
Leaving them devastated of measure without end."
~ Quotes by Artsieladie
What a foolish man. Every man's dream lady. He had you in the palm of his hand and he crushed your heart like it was nothing just because you wouldn't allow his false allegation remain unchallenged. To claim to love people regardless of their creed, culture, beliefs, etc. as he did was not the truth he spoke. You and your heart are nothing to him because you aren't the same as he. Knowing as he does you wouldn't be accepted by his culture and belief, he had no right to lead you to believe otherwise. Sending you a marriage video depicting two beliefs and cultures merging was a deliberate calculation on his part in his cruel purpose to win your heart, knowing he would never go against the established prejudice of his community.
ReplyDeleteThe woman he turned to to talk about you with instead of with you, reinforces this prejudicial factor. She is delighted and relieved that you and he are no longer on speaking terms and since he turned to her to talk about you, he gave her the power to make sure that you and he stay estranged. She's not your friend nor is she really his either. If she was, she would help the two of you to work through your differences instead of helping to keep you apart. She doesn't think you are "good enough" for him because you are a western woman and an American woman besides. By he going to her, he played into her hands.
If he was at all intelligent, he would realize this. If he cared at all about you as he has claimed so profusely as witnessed by God, he would set aside his pride and make an attempt to resolve the issues between you. Therefore by his own actions he is proving himself to be a fraud.
Also since you're viewed as a "western woman", many men of his culture, belief, think it's okay to use and abuse other women who are not one of them and see what he did to you as okay. It's not okay. God does not favor anyone causing harm to another one regardless of their race, color, creed, belief, etc.. Any true believer in God would know this.
I love you m'lady and I know how much you loved him. You saw him as a person, a man, a soul of God's. The differences didn't matter because differences don't matter to you. *hug* ♥
It's probably because my feelings for him have not dissipated as of yet, but I still find it so difficult to believe or accept that he deliberately tried to hurt me because in order for me to believe this, I would have to think and face that he is a cold, calculating narcissistic type and I would then have to consider everything he ever said to me was a cold, premeditated lie to satisfy some ego based desire of his and I'm not willing to accept this yet. I used to ask myself, "How can a man almost halfway around the world away from me make me feel so on top of the world?" Then in almost a flash he took it all away, when he showed me how insignificant I really am to him.
ReplyDeleteWhen he addressed me with my regular name and not my online handle name as he always did, I knew straight away he was perturbed with me. It was the very first clue of his directed at me coldness. Then to make me feel like an insensitive schmuck right where he knew she'd see. Does he think I'm stupid too? Does she? He didn't like it when I accepted her request. On every post of mine where her presence was, he downplayed, subdued his otherwise affectionate comments for me by either skipping a post or just liking or if he said anything, it was so obvious he was being extra careful with what he said in front of her. After she and I became FB friends, she stopped liking or commenting on any of his posts. After he blocked me, she began liking and commenting again on his wall.
A close friend of mine thought when she told me that she knew him personally, she had an agenda in doing so, like she was trying to make me jealous or something. If this was the case, she wasted her time because I don't allow myself to get jealous. It's wasted, negative energy imo. ..And it would be one thing if it was just I noticing these things but when you and others mentioned the same or similar too, it wasn't just me noticing.
I've had at least 5 people say to me that her posting those 5 questions and that she and he had a long discussion about his and my situation, it was to rub it in that he had gone to her instead of me and she did it publicly to make it appear like I was making his Love towards me more than what it actually was, like he did nothing to initiate what I was saying and so he would appear innocent and I would appear like I was fabricating everything. Then adding he's respectable to imply that I'm not.
What I also found to be so contradictory of him is that he didn't like her and I becoming friends but yet he went to her to discuss me? So it wasn't okay to be friends with her but it was okay for him to discuss me with her? There's a double standard and/or a hypocrisy in there somewhere.
But she ultimately made an unfavourable impression of both herself and him because she was okaying that it was okay for him to profess Love but not really be in Love as long as he didn't propose to the one he was pretending to Love. When she added how much she respects him, she showed she respects a man who doesn't show respect for a woman.
When he made me feel like I mattered not to him, like I was intruding in his life, especially in front of her, I made it very clear to him and in front of her how I felt about him. I pulled no punches. I was honest and straight forward because I don't change my feelings in accordance to who is present and who isn't. I'm honest and consistent across the board. It was he who was inconsistent.
When he then pretended to ignore what had transpired besides, like nothing had happened, I knew then I had to find out out if what I suspected was true or not. If he thought me to be a burden to him or some sort of liability or nuisance, it was time for me to back off and that's what I did. I'm not one to hang around where I'm not wanted and I don't have to be told. I can take a hint very well....
I was hoping I was wrong, that I was misunderstanding him, but if I was, he would have contacted me but he didn't so I figured he was glad/relieved to be rid of me, that he didn't have to feel obligated to talk to me, pretend with me any more. A woman isn't supposed to chase after or pursue a man. The man is supposed to IF he's interested. If he's not, he won't. So when he didn't try to contact me, I had no choice but to accept that I didn't matter to him. After all he over and over professed to me, it was a very painful reality I had to face.
ReplyDeleteThen every time after he addressed me with my regular name, being very impersonal. So then I decided it best to address him with an impersonal "Sir". He pointed out about misunderstandings between people ruin things. Well, not being willing to discuss anything contributes to misunderstandings which I tried to point out to him. But he expected me to be a mind reader apparently. When he was so willing to discuss me with her but told me he doesn't get into discussions or debates, it was a slap in my face.
He clearly showed me that I didn't matter to him but when he accused me of making that up about which name he used when tagging me, he expected me to just take it, let it ride to preserve his image I suppose while he smeared mine. At first I was going to let it slide but when I thought about it, I couldn't go along with a lie. I couldn't speak for his friend but I could for myself and I will defend myself and the truth. I can't see his friend not knowing the difference between being unfriended and blocked either. When you're blocked by someone, you can't miss it. But he could see what I was writing "to" his friend but couldn't see what his friend was saying. So in order to see what his friend/colleague was writing, he had to unblock him.
I was always upfront with my thoughts, my feelings. I wanted him to know what I was thinking, feeling, and so if I was wrong, always hoping I was, he'd contact me and tell me privately so we could clear up any and all misunderstandings, mine and his. But he didn't. Since he refused to discuss anything with me and therefore I felt I couldn't address anything with him directly and privately, I did the only course of action I knew and this was to write about what I was feeling. But I was always discreet on purpose because I didn't want to ruin his reputation or embarrass/humiliate him publicly and so I never mentioned his name. He placed me in a very precarious situation which I didn't like much but he gave me no choice other than to turn my hurt feelings inward. But this would have caused me even more damage and I think he's caused enough damage to me and if he could care less about me, why should I be willing to allow him to hurt me more?
..And here I am yakking my heart out but I'm still protecting him as usual. Why do I even care!? He so betrayed me and my trust. One day it won't hurt any more. He can't understand or really know how much he hurt me because he's never had his heart broken. His words. It makes me wonder if he's really ever been in Love then. Almost everyone has this happen to them at least once in their life unles they are narcissistic or worse, psychopathic. The latter don't feel period.
You're right. Differences don't matter to me. What does matter to me is a person's heart. Everything else is secondary. Their heart is primary.
As far as cultural/religious/nationality stigmas I do know this is very much a reality among many but I guess I was hoping by what he said to me, this wasn't the case between him and I. He spoke so often of people, of souls being equal. Society and religious based stigmas and prejudices are a prime reason why people are and remain so divided and this world can never have hope for peace for all of humanity until these stigmas and prejudices become non-existent.